@Tracy Bockler Blog text
“Have the Best Sex Ever”
This story has hit too close to my life for comfort. I could be June, although, I would never go back to my narcissistic ex-husband to play that game. However, after almost four years of divorce, I do feel it is time to ask myself “What of my calculating self would have to change for me to be completely fulfilled?" All of the memories of the anger and resentment of the past sneak up on me whenever I am forced to be in the near vicinity of my kid’s father for their sakes. He still finds ways to disappoint and hurt my oldest by the things he says and does; and, at times, the things he doesn’t say and do. I wonder if I will ever be able to be in the same room with him without the flooding of the horrific emotional memories overwhelming me every time. Reading this story helped me to see how I could possibly turn it around and take ownership of the reaction I allowed his presence to have over me. I could never change him no matter how hard I tried, and my kids and I are much better off now for walking away. If I am able to recognize my calculating self in this situation, I might be able to free myself from the emotional embattlement I subject myself to. It will make me a happier and more fulfilled parent of my three great kids.
My comment to @TracyBockler
It is amazing how we can reflect our lives through this incredible book. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your story. I think that we always search to change things in our exterior world but change not often comes from the exterior, change comes from our interior, from our own effort. There are so many things in life that we will never ever be capable to change and that can make us feel angry and frustrated. Changing our attitude toward them, accepting them and facing them in a positive way can give us an internal peace which can help us live with ourselves and with others in a better way. I wish you all the luck!
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